Holy cow – I haven’t blogged in 4 years. Caregiving really takes over and lots of things go by the wayside. If you are reading this blog, you know EXACTLY what I mean. My Mom died 2 years ago after 12 years of living as a total care patient. I can’t believe we were able to care for her until the very end. I am so proud of my family – we finished the marathon. I will always remember being in the Emergency Department right after my Mom’s brain aneurysm burst. The neurosurgeon told us “it’s a marathon, not a sprint”.
Boy, was he right.
Some days I didn’t think I could continue caregiving. Our caregiving team got us through the hard times. Again, we were lucky to have help from a wonderful caregiving team who truly cared about my Mom and our family. I realize we were extremely lucky to have the help we had. Now that my Mom is gone, I miss her terribly. I am grieving my pre-brain-injured Mom and my brain-injured Mom. Both versions of my Mom were funny, creative, and had a sharp wit. Both versions of my Mom would ask if I was OK if I sniffled or coughed. Only my brain-injured Mom would cuss me out for seemingly no reason. But I miss that too because it was always unexpected and funny.
What does life look like now? Life is sometimes sad, sometimes happy, and great on the days when I remember something funny or sweet about my Mom. I only came out of the grieving fog about 6 months ago. The first year and a half after she died I lived in a haze. It’s gotten significantly better with time. Time heals, as they say. I don’t know if time truly heals, but it makes it easier to talk about her or the 12 years of caregiving without bursting into tears. Luckily, I am a positive person by nature, so I feel very grateful for that. Caregiving and grieving are both easier if you are wired to be positive.
The hero in our family’s story is my Dad. He was determined to care for my Mom at home, come hell or high water. My brother and I have tried hard to help our Dad enjoy his retirement in the last couple of years. We’ve taken him on a couple of trips, which we all enjoyed. We had to postpone a trip due to COVID, but hopefully we can make the trip after the COVID crisis is over. My Dad retired when my Mom had her brain-injury. So he never had a true “retirement” as he was a 24-7 caregiver for my Mom for 12 years. My brother and I are bound and determined to give him a true retirement of travel and spending time with family. Now that he’s 80 years old, he deserves it!
XO
Lucy